The following is from a former World champion, Shane Douglas. This epitomizes the balance of quantity and quality. Notice the substance, this is what it is all about.


(Two days away from Friday Night Fear in Miami, and the NWO is abuzz with excitement. You can tell in the locker rooms, through the front office and across the world with wrestling insiders and fans alike that something special might be rearing its head Friday. The highlight of the card will no doubt be the Hardcore Main Event, NWO World champion Hulk Hogan doing battle with the Sandman.

Tonight, the NWO descends like a hurricane onto the city of Orlando. The O-rena crowd is stoked for the action they'll see that represents the number one organization in the world of professional wrestling. The fans are already in their seats, anxiously awaiting the opening match between NWO Power Planters Simon Diamond and Kurt Angle.

Suddenly, "Perfect Strangers" by Deep Purple starts to play over the P.A. system. The enthusiasm of the crowd quickly is channeled into hate and contempt for the man that now walks through the curtain, NWO Intercontinental Champion Shane Douglas. He is walking to the ring with the Head Cheerleader Francine, and she has the I-C belt over her shoulder as they head for the squared circle. Douglas ignites the fury of the crowd by screaming at random fans as he passes them. The boos and jeers are slowly increasing in volume to reach a climax as Douglas enters the ring with Francine and proceeds to smile in that Cheshire cat style he is despised for. As he asks for the mic, the chant for his manager starts up, "SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!")

DOUGLAS: CUT THE F***ING MUSIC! (Music dies down as the "Tits" chant continues.) I know we have a few special groups out there that I want to take a moment to salute! (Douglas walks all around the ring pointing at the various "groups.") Over here, we have the "inbred relations of Hulk Hogan" group! Moving over here, I see the group of people who can actually eat more than that fat little bastard Neil Styles! Then, the group of losers who have NO DAMN CHANCE to see FRANCINE'S GOODIES! (Fans start booing as Francine shrugs her shoulders.) And, last but not least, the whole O-rena audience, for we all know you came to see THE GREATEST WRESTLER IN THE NWO TODAY and the true "Franchise" of the NWO! (The fans strongly disagree with that last statement, and they let him know long and loud!) I shouldn't be the least bit damn surprised, considering how much this town worships homosexuals and F***ING RODENTS! (The almost unforgivable insult to Mickey Mouse brings up a chant of "SHANE SUCKS D**K! SHANE SUCKS D**K!" Douglas just smiles, which provokes them even more. Finally, he continues.)

Now, let's talk about a couple of newcomers to the NWO, one that has made his debut and the other who just can't decide whether he wants in or out! First, the so-called Nature Boy, Ric Flair! (Fans erupt in cheers at the legend's name.) Hey, Chucky! I have one question for ya. How the hell can you dare to call this place the greatest wrestling organization in the world when you keep allowing these damn fossils to waltz in here! Hell, folks, you think Chump Hogan is old, the first time Flair wrestled is when he clubbed his wife over the head and dragged her bony ass back to the cave! (Douglas snickers, but he appears to be the only one doing so as the fans start throwing garbage into the ring. Douglas ignores the shower of debris and continues.)

Ric Flair, I talked about how much of a jackass you are, and now I'm ready to back it up anywhere, anyplace, anytime! So, Nature Bitch, if you have the balls, come on down to the ring as fast as your walker will carry you and step into the ring with the "Franchise!"

Next order of business is a little cockroach by the name of Neil Styles! In fact, for any of you out there who might have more than a sixth-grade education, you can see many resemblances between a roach and that fat loser! They both wear black, they won't go away, and they run at 200 miles per hour whenever a real challenge threatens to step on them! I can't believe after all the times I ran you out of the NWO, sweetie, that you would even THINK about showing your ugly ass back here again! Yet, here you come once again, begging for me to just kick your ass! Don't worry, Neil, once you've finished inhaling the rest of the chicken and dumplings at the pre-card buffet, I'll be happy to just put a beating on you that you can tell your grandchildren about! That is, if I let you live that f***ing long! (Fans start up a chant of "Hitmen! Hitmen!" Douglas angers the crowd even further by letting them know they're "Number 1." Douglas realizes he has to touch on this matter, too.)

Hey, Hogan! I hope you and the cast from "Golden Girls" are partying with your beef broth, heart medication and glucose! Because after Friday night, when the Extreme Icon has finished putting your ass through the business, you are going to be at least ten pounds lighter! And we all know I mean those ten pounds of gold you've been wearing for the last month or so that you don't deserve! I know all the critics say I can't handle the Sandman being the World Heavyweight Champion, I'm here to answer all the critics tonight! When a title enters the Triple Threat, we all gather around to embrace it and protect it! In fact, the Triple Threat will all be there that night at ringside, just to make sure none of your dinosaur comrades don't decide to get froggy and get involved in the match! Make sure that belt is shined up nice, Hulk, the Extreme Icon will give it a nice Bud shower! (Starts to step down, but then remembers some more comments.)

This Sunday night I'll deal with soon enough, when I battle in that handicap match with Hunter and that HUGE GOD DAMN NOSE of his! Helmsley, last Sunday was no fluke, and I'll prove it to you by whipping your ass all over the building! As for the Wolfpac, THE number one rule in the NWO is "Thou shalt not stick your nose into Triple Threat business!" Nash, Hall, X-Puke, we'll deal with you soon enough!

Anyway, it smells like most of you can't wait until Saturday night for your bath! YOU'RE DISMISSED, and HIT THE F***ING MUSIC!

("Perfect Strangers" starts up, and Shane Douglas leaves the ring, followed by Francine. As they exit through the curtain, Douglas gives them the double-bird and ignites the fans to throw whatever beer and trash they already haven't gotten rid of.

However, once Douglas gets back to his dressing room, he immediately gets on his cell phone and makes a call.)

DOUGLAS: Hey, what's going on! (Pause) Yeah...yeah...is it ready for Friday night? (Pause) You bet your sweet ass I want to see the look on his face Friday night!

(Sounds like Shane Douglas is plotting something, but what? We'll just have to wait and see!)